She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
