i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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