a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
