we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She bit a glass in half.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
