yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
