I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
