His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
