i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
