was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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