Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
