So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
