GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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