I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
