I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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