Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
