I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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