She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
