I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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