babies were throwing up all over the place
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
How naked do you want me to be?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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