You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
