Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Text me some of your sweat
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