I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
