Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
