Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
