ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
