Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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