It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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