Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
