Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
