I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
