eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
