he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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