You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
