I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
