The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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