I love black thongs
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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