Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
