I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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