at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
bring money and cleavage
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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