The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
The ass gains better be worth it
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
