I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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