found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
