As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
