Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
