So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
