I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
