Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
