I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
