just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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