Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
