I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
