What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
